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When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself. Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day. Instead, “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.”Ĭonsider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. “Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” says Carpenter. Even just two or three sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.Īfter giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs, start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss.

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If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, a mental health professional can help you work through painful emotions. This is easier said than done, and it’s totally normal to need some extra help. It’s important to talk about your feelings with others and not numb yourself out. Scheduling in moments that bring you joy is vital for healing a broken heart. Set aside time every day for doing something that feels positive, whether that’s journaling, meeting up with a close friend, or watching a show that makes you laugh. Reading a book (we’ve got some recommendations later in this article) or listening to a podcast about your particular loss can also provide you with validation and be a supportive way for you to process your emotions. Knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side can may help you feel less alone. Read self-help books and listen to podcasts But even regular walks around the neighborhood can help. If you can get out to some beautiful scenery, great. Research has found that spending just 2 hours a week outdoors can improve your mental and physical health. This relieves the pressure to articulate your needs on the spot when someone asks.

When people ask how they can help, hand them a note card or have them choose something they feel they can do.

Get a stack of notecards and write down one item on each card.

This could involve mowing the grass, grocery shopping, or simply talking on the phone.

Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support.

Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’) Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list. She advises being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks. Lead the way in letting people know what you needĮveryone copes with loss in their own way, says Kristen Carpenter, PhD, a psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain.ĭeep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. “Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you. Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt. It’s essential to look after your own needs after heartbreak, even if you don’t always feel like it.